Make it happen.

Let's give this one more try?

I'm not calling you.

Well. I lost my phone. I'm still hoping that somehow I can find it to get my pictures and videos and such off of it. It's funny, I've had quite a few phones in my life. Three different types of phone, broke three of my first one and two of my second one, and I've had this last green LG for over a year. It survived being lost at Cornerstone. It has pictures of the Dashboard acoustic tour, Spitalfield's last tour date in Omaha, Chiodos playing in the Underground, and Kris Roe's acoustic tour. Not to mention tons of photos of friends that I never did get a chance to send to my e-mail. It has numbers from hundreds of people that I've met. Friends from on tour, in Grand Island, in Omaha, and everywhere else I've been. It has numbers of my family members; grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. That phone has an amazing history. Pictures and numbers in that phone serve to document many of the events of this past year.

It's a strange thing to consider. I'm not upset that I lost a little piece of plastic and electronics. That's any easy thing to replace. But all of the numbers, photos, videos, and memories contained in that one little piece of plastic might never be seen again. How long can these things remain as simple memories with no proof or physical evidence of their existence? I don't even remember what I ate for breakfast yesterday.

Oh. Hello.

It's so strange how random life is sometimes. Yesterday I pulled up to the stop light at 72nd and Dodge with Tristan and looked to my right at the car next to me. There in the passenger seat was Kelsey O'Sullivan, who I have not seen since her midterm graduation. It was pretty cool, to say the least. Funny, how life is sometimes. Every day is a surprise in some way or another. The only thing that never changes is the past.

"Hey now, the past is told by those who win.
My darling, what matters is what hasn't been."

Like a movie.

I don't believe in anyone, but I believe in you.
I never trusted anyone, but somehow I trust you.

Constant apology.

There are only so many hours in every day. I feel like I have so much to do but somehow I never get anything done. The band has an EP to finish writing in less than a month now. We're getting a good start but finishing has been difficult. Already, school is almost done for the summer. A week from today is my last class. I need to do my laundry. I don't have any more clean socks, so I'll be stopping by Wal*Mart on the way home to buy a new pack. I finally have quite a few hours at work this week, but consequently I have not had time to apply for a second job. We still have yet to call the house that we're looking to rent in August. I need to register for my classes for next year. Days just aren't long enough.

Kill.

Oh God, please don't tell me this has been in vain.
I need answers for what all the waiting I've done means.
You kill me, you've got some nerve, but can't face your mistakes.
I know what I should do, but I just can't turn away.

So go on love, leave while there's still hope for escape.

Got to take what you can these days.
There's so much ahead, so much regret.
I know what you want to say.
I know it but can't help feeling differently.


I loved you, and I should have said it.
But tell me just what has it ever meant?
I can't help it baby, this is who I am.
Sorry, but I can't just go turn off how I feel.
You kill me, you build me up, but just to watch me break.

I know what I should do, but I just can't walk away

Get it together.

I am not going to miss another class. I am going to study for my classes. I am going to start seriously applying for a second job. I am going to work hard and do my part to make my band as good as it can possibly be. I am going to save money. I am going to stop spending so much on fast food. I am going to start eating healthier. I am going to start exercising. I am going to find a way to manage my time better.

I know you don't believe me. And I know I haven't given you any reason to. Yet.

But I'm going to make you proud of me.