Chasing suns.

I'd just like to take a second to thank God for brightening my day today with the beautiful sunshine when I walked outside on my way to work. It put a genuine smile on my face, and those have been pretty rare this week.

This side of brightness.

I think in a lot of ways, the universe is really all about balance. From ideas and problems as big as the universe itself, all the way down to each person's individual life. My life has been pretty incredible the last few months. I've got a few close friends who I love to death. I've got a girlfriend who somehow makes me smile every day, even when she's driving me completely insane. I actually got to enjoy a little taste of the "touring band" life. I had a great job. (Still do, I just need more hours.) Then yesterday, as you can read a couple of posts down, everything started falling apart a little bit. My financial situation has already been pretty shaky, and now I've got an extra $120.00 to pay somehow. Not to mention how much my insurance will go up if I can't take a stop class. I really can't afford life right now. I really hope I find a second job soon. I don't care how terrible it is. Not many things could be worse than this.

Hey.

Life. Fuck you.

Walking downtown.

Tonight's blog is going to be a two-part ordeal. First I'm going to elaborate/vent on why this was probably the worst day of my life in recent memory.

The day began with two possible things to do: A) Go visit Kaci in Tecumseh, or B) go see the Foo Fighters. I decided to go with option A. And, while I was at it, I decided after hanging out with Kaci for a while, I'd go see Kelsey in Lincoln since I haven't seen her in a couple of months. Sounded great. Unfortunately, Kaci decided that she would rather not see me tonight for some reason that I'm still a little unclear on. I decided to go see Kelsey anyway because I hadn't seen her in so long. On my way to Lincoln, less than a mile away from my exit, I got pulled over for speeding where I didn't realize the speed limit had changed from 65 to 55. None of the other cars had taken note either, but apparently this policeman had something against my Ford Taurus and I. I landed myself a $119.00 ticket for simply following traffic and failing to slow down when the other ten cars in front of me hadn't done it either. I hope that policeman felt really good about giving a huge ticket to a college student who can barely afford food. Skipping ahead to the end of the night, I got severely lost on my way out of Lincoln and spent an extra half an hour driving around trying to figure it out. Thank God my girlfriend is nice enough to MapQuest things for me at 12:00AM. Anyway, my hatred for Lincoln has now multiplied substantially and I'm even more broke than I already was.

On to part two, where a couple of things actually went well today.

First off, I did get to see Kelsey. We hung out at the dorms for a bit and then headed down to Jimmy John's for a sandwich. We sat and talked for probably about half an hour. It was actually really fun and it was great to see her and Caroline again. I'm not sure the trip was quite worth the $140.00 it costed me, but I was glad to see them anyway.

So, there was my fucking horrible day in a nutshell for you. I should've just gone and seen the Foo Fighters. Moral of the story: Bands/Music > People. Always.

Never better.

I think I have successfully dodged the flu. Granted, it's still flu season. So there's still a chance I could get sick. But as far as this particular incident, I think I survived. Way to go, immune system.

In the morning and amazing.

Communication. Something we do almost every second of every day. Text messages. Phone calls. Facial expressions. Body language. Words. Actions. Writing. Reading. Did I miss any? Of course I did. There are probably anywhere from ten to ten thousand ways to communicate at any given moment. The way she looks at me and turns up the corners of her mouth slightly as her eyes light up in some subtle but unbelievable way easily says more than thousands of words ever could. If only every gesture and every word could be given as much meaning as that one little smile. I think we'd get a little closer to that if we could all talk a little less and listen a little more. It's not like anyone's saying anything that hasn't been said before anyway. But maybe if we'd pause once in a while we'd hear something we hadn't heard before.

Pictures of shorelines.

So one of my original intentions with this blog was to start taking photos more frequently and use this as a place to post my favorites. Unfortunately, something seems to be wrong with my camera. I think the battery is just ruined. I hope. Otherwise something's seriously wrong with my camera and I'm going to have to buy a new one.

Ghost man on third.

Today is the third day since I saw Kaci the day before she got sick, and I'm still feeling fine. Must be all that vitamin water. I'm starting to think I might actually dodge the flu. Fingers crossed.

If God smokes cheap cigars.

Tonight I sat for a long while thinking about God. Now, before reading this I feel I should let you know a bit of my religious background. I was raised as a Lutheran from the time I was born. My freshman and sophomore year of high school I really didn't have any faith of any sort. My junior year I began going to a new church and really found the presence of God in my life. So please don't think of these musings as having any kind of anti-God sentiment to them.

Anyway, I was thinking for a bit about how many different religions there are and how so many people are so convinced that their version of God is the only correct one. Many people would even die for their own system of belief. A thought came to my mind that gave way to the rest of what I'm about to write: "What if they were all the same God?"

See, what if there really is a God? A very real God. A being who directs the happenings of the world and gave life to it in the beginning. If this God is so powerful and wonderful, would he not realize that we as humans have an incessant need to name and classify and explain anything that does not make sense to us? Who's to say that we're not all right, that the ways that we have all found to explain the thing that we feel in our hearts are just different names for the same thing? I see no reason why a loving God who created us all would feel any need to shun a certain form of belief in him. After all, we are only human. Who's to say that God has not simply accepted that though our stories and conclusions may be different and slightly flawed, we still find faith in him somehow? Recently, I heard a saying that I have heard many times in the past. And it seemed to tie in with this whole process of thought going through my head.

"God is love, and love is real."

What if God isn't anything but love? Love (not, of course, in the overly romanticized form) is one thing that nearly every person can agree exists in some form in every other person. The one thing that truly connects the entire human race. Is that not what we believe God is? An ever-present thing that connects us all in a deeply spiritual way?

Maybe none of this makes sense to you at all. Maybe I'm crazy. Maybe this can't mean anything to you because you view the very idea of God as childish. But maybe you agree. Or maybe it has at least given you something to think about. The subject of God can and will be debated endlessly. But I'd like to think we can all put a little faith in love.

Sick in her skin.

My girlfriend got a real bad case of the flu yesterday. And I went and saw her Sunday night. So I figure it's only a matter of time until I'm sick too. I'm feeling alright today, though. Work at 4:00. I've got this feeling that something good is going to happen today. But maybe it's more of a longing than a premonition. I think Thursday I'm going to and apply for a few more jobs. I'm not a big fan of money but it's necessary to survive, I suppose. Hopefully soon I'll be making enough that I can pay for the things I need and start putting away for some things that I want.