Take care.

I'm praying for you. Please be safe and call me in the morning.

Empty apartment.

I spent most of today packing and starting to move my stuff out. I've accumulated more than I'd guessed in the last year. I found a lot of things too, like a $15.00 Wal*Mart gift card I got for graduation and never used, some Hannah Montana plates and cups left over from Valentine's Day, an uncanny amount of spoons, my room key, my mail key, my gate key, my laundry card... the list goes on for a bit. I'm excited and incredibly nervous for the next couple of weeks. No sure place to live and no definite way to pay for it all. But I believe God's got a plan, and I'm ready for it. So here goes nothing, I guess.

Livin' th' dream.

I just got back from tour. I leave again in ten days.
This semester is going to be the most anxious and impatient time of my life.
I cannot wait to do this full-time.

Cautioners.

Tonight, I sat outside on the curb and listened to Jimmy Eat World for a few minutes. It was one of the more relaxing and stress-relieving things I've done this week. As I was sitting there, I looked down at the ground and some some sort of winged insect jumping across the ground. I looked closer, and noticed one of its wings was missing. The bug kept going, jumping as far as it could go, trying it's best to fly with its one wing. It hopped in all different directions and didn't seem really to go anywhere. But it kept on hopping, moving as far and as fast as it could, given its situation.

In a few hours, my band is heading out on its first tour. Our first show might or might not be acoustic, our van broke down and we are taking my Taurus and borrowing gear for the shows. Our shows on Friday and Saturday were unexpectedly cancelled tonight, and are in the process of hopefully being re-booked. Sunday, we come home and play our EP release and then continue on a more certain string of dates in Nebraska and Minnesota.

Now, we could have stopped a few times by now. Once we found out our van was not going to get us where we needed to go, we could've cancelled our dates, stayed home, worked our jobs, and continued on as we were. We decided not to. Instead, we made the decision to take my little Ford Taurus and play the dates we had scheduled. Then, the first couple of shows got cancelled. Once again, we could just say "forget it" and stay home until Sunday. Instead, we made the decision to take a chance and keep on going.

Some will call us stupid, most would not approve or understand what could make us do this. But we share a genuine love of each other and the music we're making. This is our goal for our lives, and we will keep going no matter what.

Some people might have simply stepped on that little bug and put him out of his misery. But who's to say that he's really miserable? What better place does a bug have to be than on a sidewalk at night jumping around for what's left of his 24-hour life span?

What better place do we have to be than on the road with four of our best friends, spreading our music in any way we can and doing what we love for no other rational reason than the fact that we love it?

So we keep going on, always praying for the best, and putting in all the effort we can to ensure that we did not waste any time or hold back in any way.

We're young, we're excited, and we're probably idiots. But we've only got one life to live.

I have become what I have always hated.

I'm a failure and I have no one to blame but myself.